13 Lessons Learned from “13 Reasons Why”
High Schools are put in almost a no-win, as technologies and social pressures are on the rise while parental controls are on the wane…but there is hope!
Sonoma County, CA: The Netflix show “13 Reasons Why”, which deals with the reasons a betrayed high school girl commits suicide, has been a popular show among locals, while filming some scenes at nearby Analy High School. It sums up nicely many of the issues facing modern teens, perhaps better than nearly all series of a similar genre. It occurs to me that many lessons, 13 of them in fact, can be drawn from this series regarding teens in general, if not local teens.
Lesson 1: Issues: We live in a capitalistic and competitive society, one that is “zero sum” (for every winner there is a loser). While this system may create great performances from some, others are perhaps shamed into the margins. Solution?: Well, communism (where “everyone wins”) has been proven to be ineffective, so we may be forced to accept our Darwinistic alternative. Hopefully, there’s enough going on at the school where everyone can be good at something, and the school can recognize “winners” accordingly, and then the only “losers” are those that don’t show up. It’s chilling though, how “Liberty School” is sort of set up like this, and the stuff happens anyway.
Lesson 2: Issue: The schools have a tremendous responsibility, as a combination of parental lapses, teen freedoms, and societal demands for high academic standards creates tumultuous environments for which educators are responsible. Solution?: Parents and the community at large need to provide more support for the school, which will likely cost more money. One solution would be to provide campus housing for “at risk” kids to keep them out of trouble. Perhaps young teachers at the lower end of the pay scale could save money by agreeing to live in these dormitories for additional pay, and helping look after these kids.
Lesson 3: Issue: Texting technology has brought bullying and particularly “slut shaming” to a new level. It’s remarkable how quickly someone can be shamed in front of the whole school, whereas previously, it took time for one’s reputation to manifest itself through word of mouth. Solution?: Perhaps some technology will someday be available to disallow social texting while at school.
Lesson 4: Issue: Participating in Sports and other School Activities is a kind of protection, but also creates a type of pack mentality. The athletic boys and cheerleading girls on the show are forever giving in to peer pressure to shame someone else, while being largely protected themselves. Solution?: Unfortunately, this perhaps unfairly falls to school staff and parents, who need to forever teach that part of participation is to set a good example and that drugs, predation, cheating, and bullying are grounds for expulsion.
Lesson 5: Issue: Teens are experts at the “Deaf and Dumb” rule, which makes it hard for parents and school staff to know what’s going on in teen’s lives. This is one of the more striking things I noticed while watching the show, that privacy laws and the teen’s need to be held blameless (or not be a victim of reprisal) keeps even the competent adults in the dark. Solution?: The good thing about grounding your teen when they get into trouble is that you begin to learn about how they spend their time (even though it is work ferrying them around). Maybe high schools should periodically have miniature “Grand Juries” that have the power to subpoena and get to the bottom of teen’s testimony. If that had happened in “13 Reasons Why”, Hannah’s suicide may have been prevented.
Lesson 6: Issue: Teens with texting are experts at creating “instant parties”, in the homes of absent parents. These parties are the vector of a wide range of trouble. Solution?: It’s appalling that teens mostly get away with partying (and the resultant traffic accidents, sexual assaults, property damage and bullying) right under our noses. Since police will make unwanted arrests (plus they probably also consider this to be a low level crime), parents should form groups that can break up these parties and drive impaired kids home. Teens wanting to learn to drink and explore sexuality would then be relegated to the time honored “back seats of cars”, creating less trouble. All cars should have breathalyzers that disable the ignition when a critical level of alcohol is detected.
Lesson 7: Issue: Intelligent and sensitive people are at a disadvantage in high school. As one watches the show, you keep thinking “If only Clay and Hannah could survive to college, they would have a great life…they seem to be tortured for being objects of teen envy (smart, good looking, clever) while being too independent to join cliques” (a good trait later in life, but dangerous in high school) Solution?: Go to college early if you’re smart and not into high school activities? Do a better job of policing shaming and bullying?
Lesson 8: Issue: Being the new kid is dangerous. Hannah, Jessica, and Alex are the new kids and initially hang together for support until the incumbents learn to exploit them. It seems that their parents kind of put them in this compromised position, as the new kids have to fit in for better or worse. Solution?: One way out is to become a high-achieving nerd such as Courtney, which allows teens to “stay out of the game”. Being good at an activity is another form of protection, although it can make one a member of a predatory pack. One notes that Hannah noticeably refuses to do extra-curriculars, and that this may be part of what leads to her downfall.
Lesson 9: Issue: Teens sell out friends to protect themselves Solution?: In addition to the “deaf and dumb” rule, teens should have another rule that says “thou shall not sell out another”, which would often result in admitting this transgression publicly, with repercussions. In the show, all the teens have to face their betrayal to Hannah at the end, despite their efforts to hide out, and truly “the cover up is worse than the crime”. Some face relatively minor betrayals while others face major shaming themselves, in the court of teen opinion. One faces criminal charges, as he should. The counselor/school has to face a large lawsuit.
Lesson 10: Issue: Slut shaming, systematic betrayal, and drugs can lead to the ultimate in dehumanizing, rape. In the show, the last and ultimate crime is the shameful rape of Hannah (this is the only transgression that is on a path to be punished as the show ends). In reality, this is the culmination of a process that began with the exploitation of the new girl several months before, via slut shaming and abandonment by friends. Solution?: Friends are essential. If one is independently minded, like Hannah, they are even more critical. They are the “eyes and ears” that could have kept her out of trouble. We seem to be headed towards a society where everyone needs to video record everything, and all relationships are contractual, so as to protect from unwanted advances.
Lesson 11: Issue: It’s not enough to avoid trouble, one must often confront or prevent trouble, to be a good friend. Clay, who is intelligent and loves Hannah, is posited as her potential salvation, yet he shyly avoids the role of being her lover (and protector). Apparently, he lacks self-confidence with Hannah, or feels he’s not good enough for her, besides being averse to trouble in a kind of voyeuristic way (he’s called out by the true voyeur in this fashion, in one of the more interesting episodes). Solution?: One of the major themes of the series is to show how Clay and Hannah were meant for one another, but could never quite get it together. Many times, Clay was in a position to run off her tormentors, but does not actually do so until after she dies, in a sort of self-redeeming and vigilante way. If only Clay had “manned-up” (like his doomed friend Jeff tried to encourage him to do), he would have been Hannah’s much needed friend, protector, salvation. Sadly, in a type of malfeasance, Clay is obliquely responsible for most everything that happened to Hannah, as he was often in a preventative position. This is a lot to put on Clay, but it also shows that love really can conquer all. Ultimately an honorable and loving relationship is redemption, salvation, and protection.
Lesson 12: Issue: There are never enough school counselors, and even when there are enough, they are often ill-prepared for teen issues. Hannah’s last stop is the school counselor who kind of blows her off after her rape. This is the coup de grace prior to her suicide. The counselor in question might have been bowing to some legal reality, but he essentially abandons her (and causes a great deal of liability for the school). Solution?: At greater cost to taxpayers, there needs to be more school counselors with better skills in dealing with teens. These counselors need to have better fact-finding ability. Hannah’s counselor should have known her history as a victim of bullying, and taken some preventative action. He should have referred her to more counseling after her rape.
Lesson 13: Issue: Is Hannah’s fate self-determined in some way? It’s sad to think about this but the show points out several ways in which Hannah is complicit with her own problems. First, she is attractive and intelligent, making her the object of attention. Next, she is curious and seems to get into provocative situations (ie parties without an escort where she’s depressed, flirtations with retaliatory lesbians, engagement in sharply worded reprisals). She doesn’t do any extracurriculars, which might have kept her out of trouble, although she does take a stab and writing poetry. I suppose she’s forgiven for being a precocious teen, as honestly how is a normal kid supposed to know all this? Solution?: Perhaps she should have been parented or counseled to keep a lower profile, or done a better job of picking friends. On a few occasions, she hooks up with boys that are known to be trouble (jocks that disrespect her), or high profile nerds (that sell her out intellectually) or high profile girlfriends (who sell her out emotionally). Yikes! Where were all the “nice” friends at Liberty High?
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