A Manchin for Murkowski Trade is our Best Winning Hope
The Championship window is narrowing for the Democratic squad, the DC Donkeys. They have to win, and they have to win NOW to cement their legacy. It is time for General Manager Biden to make a bold move, Joe Manchin for Lisa Murkowski of the Washington RINOs (and a House Representative to be named later)
Sports history is full of bold trades at the deadline, where management risked future talent, yet the results paid immediate dividends. There was Pedro Martinez to the Red Sox in ’97 (for Delino DeShields), Wilt Chamberlain to the 76ers in ’65 (for Paul Neumann, no not the actor…and change), and the ’87 Buffalo Bills acquiring perennial Pro Bowler Cornelius Bennett (for three draft picks). Each trade greatly benefitted the recipient while the traded-away talent never blossomed. It is time for General Manager Joe Biden to risk everything in a deal (with hated opposition opponent Coach McConnell, who along with former Coach Trump has violated all that is sacred about sports), before it’s too late.
Joe Manchin has not lived up to his pre-draft hype. Thought to have had great potential in his earlier years, he has shown signs of premature aging. Like Jerry West, he was a talented prospect from poor rural State, and we all rooted for him. Initially, we chalked up his chilly relationship with Coach Obama as “rookie jitters”. Then, we were encouraged when he joined the team’s mutiny against the questionable antics of opposing Coach Trump. Next, we were all enamored with his exalted notions of “sportsmanship”, but hell, lately that’s meant helping the other team score. There are also allegations that he might be in with sports gamblers, and that he has been almost “throwing” games to the opponent. In essence, Joe Manchin is begging to be traded to Coach McConnell and the Republicans, as he seems to be rooting for them as of late.
It was once thought that a Manchin-for-Susan Collins trade might be possible, but lately Collins has shown that she is just as likely to fumble the ball as she is to score a touchdown. Mitt Romney, another prominent RINO star, was an alternate trade target. However, though Romney practically invented the cross-over dribble, and with Coach Obama reinvented modern sports medicine, he has lately disavowed it. (Sullivan, 2019)
Meanwhile, Lisa Murkowski, though playing for the opponent, has become everything we wished Joe Manchin could have been. In a recent interview with ESPN, she stated that she agreed with General Manager Joe Biden’s decisions 86% of the time, and even former Coach Obama’s 72% of the time. She has repeatedly stated that she’d “never play for the Donkeys”, but then weirdly roots rather openly for them. She also agrees with the Donkeys “Pro Choice” argument (when it comes to player’s rights), in opposition to Manchin’s restrictive stance. She also voted “Meh” on the Hall of Fame nominations of Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett, while openly condemning former Coach Trump (the cheater). This surely does not enamor her with fans of her current squad, the Washington RINOs, so she may be available relatively cheap. In the final analysis, the trade may be one disgruntled veteran for another, although Murkowski might pay immediate dividends for the Donkeys.
In an attempt to “sweeten the pot”, Coach McConnell will surely try to pass off one of his underperforming minor league players onto the Donkeys as the “player to be named later”. Candidates for this dubious honor might be troubled Representatives Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, or Lauren Boebert. Surely, a player of this type will be a “spy”, hoping to monkey wrench the Donkey organization from within, but this may be the asking price for a player of Murkowski’s caliber. Should Gaetz, Taylor-Greene, or Boebert be sent to the Donkey complex, they will surely be cut immediately, their contracts bought out, or perhaps shipped to the Latin American or Euro Leagues. In the case of Gaetz, the prison system may make GM Biden’s decision an easy one, as he may become the new star of the “San Quentin Striped Pajama” squad. Taylor-Greene might be a perfect fit in the Caribbean League’s “Havana Hoof-in-Mouths” organization (or even the Israeli Leagues’ Be’er Shiva Space Lasers). Boebert is thought to be just-right for the “Uruguayan Uzis” of the Iguazu Falls League.
And so what can the Donkeys expect from a revitalized team, plus Murkowski and minus Manchin? Surely a Sports Channel, Vegas-betting, and Tabloid blitz, that’s for sure. However, Murkowski ironically may have certain allegorical anatomical parts critical to sports performance that Manchin lacks. She may decide, for the sake of a championship season and for sports fans all over the world (and for sports legends of all-time), to posterize dunk on her former squad. She might do this by rallying the depleted Donkey squad into a “reconciliation” of winning attitudes, or if she’s really feelin’ it (and wanting to bust out), a “feel-a-buster” challenge to McConnell’s nether-regions.