Be Funny if you Want to Live a Long Life
AND OTHER LONGEVITY TIPS LEARNED FROM WATCHING OLD MOVIES…
Abstract: Being a fan of “Classic” film and TV of the 50s and 60s, I couldn’t help but wonder about the health and longevity of various acting groups, or as they say in medical studies “cohorts”. It started with taking note of the incredible longevity of Jewish “Your Show of Show” comedians and Classic Hollywood leading ladies, and moved to the notable “non-longevity” of rugged leading men. Does Hollywood type-casting create a certain health profile, or does the health profile have proclivities for certain roles?
I get “Nature Magazine” weekly, which contains the most recent science papers, many devoted to medical studies on various “cohorts” (groupings by sex, age, habits, etc). Since I also spend (waste?) much of my time watching “classic” film and TV (defined as anything from the 50s-60s?), and look up the various stars on Wikipedia, I started forming my own health cohorts. This would’ve been much more difficult if it were another less-known cohort, such as longshoremen or lumberjacks (which I’ll leave to demographers and University researchers). This “arm-chair science” has allowed me to make some grand conclusions about health and Hollywood casting…if you want to live a long, happy life, become a wholesome Jewish comedian or lovely leading lady (or both if you’re Imogene Coca). Beware if you’re a rugged leading man or a diminutive female singer or dancer!
When Syd Caesar and Carl Reiner recently died, I felt like I’d just lost my best friends. Not only were they hilariously funny but both contributed to a kind of comedic franchise that launched the careers of other funny people, such as Mel Brooks, Steve Martin, and Dick Van Dyke. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Reiner also fostered a type of wry socio-political commentary, with the help of Brooks and his son Rob. I began to notice than most anyone associated with “Your Show of Shows” lived a long and healthy life, most were Jewish, and had good marriages and kids. About the same time, the deaths of Olivia de Haviland (103) and Doris Day (97) got me thinking about the similar longevity of leading actresses, while the untimely deaths of the leading man profiles stood out. The “rugged leading-man” type (Clark Gable, Humphrey Bogart, William Holden, Steve McQueen, John Garfield) was surely doing something to compromise long-life. Was it the need to always impress women, peers, and audiences with bravado and sexual prowess (if not smoking/drinking/lousy marriages) or were genetics at work (most were British with muscles…is this hard on the heart?) Finally, there is the “lingering effects of the 1918 Spanish Flu” factor, which is said to have made 50s/60s people more prone to stroke (and may foretell similar effects on Covid survivors?)
There were other, smaller cohorts with anecdotal difficulties (the diminutive dancer curse of Joan McCracken, Carol Haney, Judy Holliday, and perhaps Audrey Hepburn? The “West Side Story” curse of dancers “Scooter” Teague and Tucker Smith?). We all know that acting and dancing can be a demanding lifestyle, while fame can make your personal life difficult, but why are some lives extra-long, while others are extra-short? You could also investigate the “Saturday Night Live” curse (Belushi, Radner, Hartman, Farley, etc) or the “Bewitched” curse (Samantha, both Darrens, Gladys Kravitz), or even “The Conqueror” cancer outbreak (affecting John Wayne, Susan Hayward, Agnes Moorehead, John Hoyt…so not worth-it for such a bad movie) but some of that is not 50s/60s and others getting far afield. What is really happening? Shall we run the stats and find out?
First, take a look at the “Your Show of Shows” and other Jewish/Non Jewish comedian cohorts (scientific terminology if I ever heard it).
…back then and since, the words “Jewish” and “Comedian” have become almost synonymous, and one should note that a) Jews do have certain genetics protecting them from cancer and b) Laughter and a good family life are long-life predictors and c) Lenny Bruce/”Curly” Howard were Jewish and died young anyway. Note also that Lou Costello was an anomaly in that he was Italian and died young, which sorta proves all my points (“Nature” editors shuddering at this moment).
Next, consider the “Leading Lady” cohort, which challenges the “Jewish Comedian” cohort for longevity. Marilyn Monroe aside, they are an impressive bunch:
Actually, Monroe shouldn’t even be on this list, as she was more of a “2nd female lead” (aka temptress, the in mold of Gloria Graham or Jane Russell) who got elevated due to her popularity. The classic Hollywood leading lady was more ladylike, righteous, and well-behaved in the Day/De Havilland/ Saint/Andrews mold, yet those with some naughty-girl cred (Garbo/ Hepburn/Davis/Loren) have aged pretty well. Yes, women in general age better but there must be a lifestyle/genetic thing at work here, as they appear to be healthy/patient, and life was good to them. They say also that “beauty” is actually a genome relatively free of damaging microbes. All I can say is “Boy! That Sophia Loren was remarkably parasite-free in her day!”
Now for possibly the most controversial cohort for the leading men:
Before I say that this group has the lowest life expectancy, let me divide them further into two groups. First, the aforementioned “rugged” types, who seemed to have in their job description a need to take unnecessary risk, smoke, drink, and divorce offscreen. They also seem to be burly, early balding types that were early heart-attack prone. One can imagine that Bogey and Gable smoked unfiltered Camels, while if the Hepburns smoked at all, it was from a filtered cigarette holder. Contrast the “tough guy” lifespans with the taller, more cerebral leading-men like Stewart/Peck/Newman/McMurray/ Grant and Douglas…hey wait! How did Kirk Douglas get on that list? He was a non-cerebral, burly, hard-living guy and he lived the longest of all! (103). Just shows there are genetic exceptions (and he was Jewish and somewhat comedic after all).
To wrap up, there are some minor cohorts, such as this one for dancers:
Sad to say that these lifespans favor the male/heterosexual dancers and disfavor the female/heterosexual dancers. When Ann Reinking died the other day at age 71, I was thinking “man, that goes to show that exercise isn’t the only factor in longevity” (as somehow you know she had to workout daily and live a disciplined life). While Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly and Russ Tamblyn lived well into their 80s, poor Joan McCracken and Carol Haney died tragic early deaths (both linked to diabetes and later alcohol). Judy Holliday was much less of a dancer, but she died at 44 from cancer. Maybe there’s something about over-exertion that is bad for women (like the minor epidemic of early anorexia deaths in some female long-distance runners)
At last is our final cohort, charming singers. Not much of a headline here:
Once again, it seems to favor males, as perhaps a career of singing puts undo stress on an aging woman (small sample size I know, but Sinatra/Martin/ Crosby may have enjoyed a better life on tour, hanging out with the rat-pack, while a miserable Judy Garland was alone/depressed?) Hopefully things will change for an aging Madonna or J-Lo.
One note about all this is that it’s difficult getting information on who smoked and drank, so sometimes I had to use circumstantial evidence (the raspy Bette Davis voice, for example, is a dead giveaway). Also, there really seems to be substantiation for the theory that those who might have had the Spanish Flu in 1917–18 were more prone to heart attack/stroke, due to possible Covid-like epithelial-tissue damage. Those born after the Spanish flu seemed to have noticeably longer life spans, but hard to say for sure (“Nature” scientists are now signing off as I speak). Officially, health experts explain the decline since the 50s-60s heart attack/stroke epidemic as coincident with less smoking/hard liquor, hydrogenated fats, and more statins (surely this study was funded by the vaping/beer & wine/olive oil/pharmaceutical industries).
Yes I know I know, small sample sizes and there are many more examples/counter examples and fun cohorts that you could produce (how about fussy character-actors like Franklin Pangborn/Ray Walston/Mary Wickes, or wise noble-savages like Jay Silverheels/Michael Ansara/Chief Dan George?), which is half the fun in watching classic shows. Health lessons learned might be that being funny is a life-extender (unless you do too-many pratfalls and go “woop…woop…woop” a lot), plus being a lovely and patient leading lady easily gets you into your 90s (unless you marry Prince Rainier and have a stroke on windy Monaco roads), plus singing/dancing for heterosexual men = good, heterosexual women = bad. If you’re going to smoke anything, make sure it has a filter, skip the high balls, avoid Crisco, sing mostly in the shower and let your male partner do more of the dancing, be taller/skinnier/more thoughtful if you’re a man. Above all, love your spouse and kids, and aspire to being funny if you’re not Jewish or a lovely female (without parasites).
